Domestic abuse refers to abusive behaviours which take place between two people who are personally connected to each other. Domestic abuse can include a wide range of abusive behaviour. It can happen to anyone; partners, ex-partners, family members; regardless of sexuality, gender, religion, orientation, race, background or upbringing. Domestic Abuse can occur across generations and it affects all age groups, including elderly people.

Men, women and children can all experience domestic abuse, and perpetrators can be male or female, though women are disproportionately affected by domestic abuse and the majority of perpetrators are men.

According to Refuge, calls to helplines have increased by 61% since lockdown began.

DOMESTIC ABUSE IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE PERSON WHO IS EXPERIENCING IT.

DOMESTIC ABUSE CAN TAKE ON MANY FORMS SUCH AS:

Physical abuse – This includes any kind of threat of violence, it does not just have to be hitting, you may be restrained by your partner or have things thrown at you. They may shove or pinch you and claim it is a ‘joke’.

Economical abuse – This involves a perpetrator using or misusing money which leads to them controlling their partners current and future actions as well as their freedom of choice.

Mental abuse – A way to control another person by using emotions to criticise, embarrass, shame, blame and manipulate another person.

Emotional abuse – This can be subtle and deceptive or explicit and manipulative, either way it chips away at a victims’ self-esteem and they start doubting their perceptions and feelings.

Coercive control – A pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence.

Sexual abuse – Any sexual act that a person did not consent to or is forced into against their will, including unsafe sex and degrading sexual activity.

Female genital mutilation – A collective term for a range of procedures involving partial or total removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons.

Digital/online abuse – Modern technology gives perpetrators increasing ways to stalk, isolate and control their victims through the tools of everyday life.

Honour based abuse – An incident or crime committed to defend or protect the ‘honour’ of the family and community.

Forced marriage – A form of honour-based abuse. It is when one or both people who do not, or cannot consent to the marriage and are forced into it.

LEARN ABOUT BARRIERS TO LEAVING

It takes a great deal of courage to leave someone who controls and intimidates you. Women often attempt to leave several times before making the final break. Women are at the greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner.

Safety - the woman may be fearful of what the abuser will do to her and the children if they leave or attempt to leave

Lack of self-confidence - the woman may believe that it is her fault and that she deserves the abuse, and may fear she would never find anyone else if she left

Denial - she convinces herself that “it’s not that bad”

Shame - she is embarrassed about people finding out

Guilt - the abuser makes her believe that she is to blame for his actions

Financial dependence -  the woman may not be able to support herself and her children independently.

Loyalty - she may be loyal to the abuser regardless of his actions

Hope -  believes that things will improve with time. She believes she can make him change

Lack of support - she doesn’t know to whom to turn

Pressure - family and friends pressurise her to stay and ‘make it work’

Religious/community beliefs - she is under pressure not to break up the family

Love - despite the abuse, she still loves him

Jekyll and Hyde - the abuser switches between charm and rage; the woman thinks, ‘He’s not always like this’

Intimidation - the abuser threatens to take the children or pets away

Gender roles - she might normalise his behaviour because he’s a man – ‘that’s how men are’. She may believe it’s the woman’s role to put the needs of others first

Immigration - if the woman has insecure immigration status, she may fear being deported